Daily Archives: November 1, 2013

I Die

I die.

There is nothing – a nothingness encompassing endless eons. It is no thing – unbound throughout infinite dimensions in a deep and dreamless void, a vast oceanic and eternal stillness, a cold nowhere, a shoreline of nonexistence, an empty formlessness.

And in this extremity of death, an infinitesimal shudder stirs. The merest ripple of nothingness echoes throughout universes of nonexistence. A standing wave, a subatomic quark, a protein warmed by an ancient sun, a conscious mind – a single sensation is snuffed out in an instant by that same star as it rises in a remote sky.

A trillion deaths collapse in a split-nanosecond – a trillion lives surging instantaneously in and out of existence. This is the reality and illusion of both what is and what is not. Every death is one death. And it occurs over and over in the same instant. It occurs in the future and in the present moment. And it happens in the past and only once in the concentric cycles of space and time. It is my death and yours – one life and one death.

One universe bears my name. Its birth and death form tenuous connections to a multiverse of other lives – each at the epicenter of an infinite cosmos. Dimensionless, we share a space in time.

A glint in an empty eye, a wind-sound rushing past, I am spun wildly around. I catch momentary trails of events long passed, moving in liquid color through my senses. I am awash in their echoes, caught up in them for the merest fraction of a saccade. I am lost in stray instants that splash up from the froth of time on shipwrecked shores.

There is no sense to be made. There is only this timeless endlessness of experience – and how it ends. Or more, that it does end. And its very end is the thing itself, held for the hundredth, thousandth, millionth time…suspended somewhere in the mind. This concatenating wave is what I was, who I am, and what I will become.

I open my eyes and close them again. In this moment, I am here. And in this moment I am gone.

“I Die” – Tullio – 2013

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